Here’s What You Should Never Say to Someone With Dementia

Learn what you should never say to someone with dementia, and what to say instead.

Have you ever said something you wish you hadn’t said? Maybe your intention was to compliment a friend on her new haircut, but you came across sounding like you were criticizing her previous hairstyle. Choosing our words carefully is always important, but even more so when speaking with someone with dementia. The words we say and the way we say them can significantly impact the person’s emotional well-being and quality of life. And it’s just as important to know what you should never say to someone with dementia.

Here are five examples of what to avoid saying to someone with dementia, along with alternative approaches to foster understanding and connection:

1. “Do you remember…?” Asking someone with dementia to recall specific details may lead to embarrassment or anxiety if they are unable to remember. Instead, provide gentle prompts or share your own memories to spark conversation without putting pressure on them to remember. For instance, you could say, “I remember when we went to that park together. We had such a lovely walk,” allowing them to engage in the conversation without feeling pressured to recall specific details.
2. “You already said that.” Pointing out their forgetfulness can be hurtful and counterproductive. Instead, practice patience and respond as if it’s the first time you’ve heard the information. This approach preserves their dignity and reduces feelings of frustration. You can say, “Thank you for sharing that with me,” and continue the conversation without dwelling on their forgetfulness.
3. “That’s not right.” Invalidating a person’s thoughts or memories can cause frustration and distress. Instead of dismissing their reality, validate their feelings and experiences. For example, say, “I understand that you see it that way,” or redirect the conversation to another topic. By acknowledging their perspective, you validate their emotions and maintain a sense of connection.
4. “You don’t have dementia.” Denying or minimizing their condition can lead to feelings of confusion and isolation. It’s important to acknowledge their reality while offering reassurance and support. Express empathy and assure them that you’re there to help navigate any challenges they may face. You could say, “I’m here to support you through this journey, no matter what comes our way.”
5. “You’re being difficult.” Labeling their behavior as difficult or challenging can escalate tension and hinder effective communication. Instead, approach them with kindness and understanding. Identify the underlying needs or emotions driving their behavior and respond with empathy and patience. For instance, say, “I can see that you’re feeling frustrated. Let’s take a moment to figure out how we can make things better together.”

Communication can become extremely challenging as dementia progresses. Let our trained, experienced dementia care specialists help. Contact Hired Hands Homecare at (866) 940-4343 to learn more about our specialized dementia care in Santa Rosa, Novato, Petaluma, and throughout the Bay Area. We understand the unique needs of individuals living with dementia and are dedicated to providing an elevated level of care to promote dignity, independence, and quality of life.